My Thought for the day...
I'm tired of holding on to an idea of what I thought life... "my life" should look like based on how I was told it should look... I don't know if it protects me or traps me, but right now it's confusing me... For all that I've been through thus far, why am I still scared of the unknown, or why am I scared to use my voice at times, and step out this image of what others tell me I am (Sometimes I want to scream... You don't really see me)... I feel like I should be able to face all my fears, yet I still find myself hiding... hiding and/or holding on to a person I no longer am... Which makes me wonder what am I doing pursuing acting? You have to be courageous to do this... you have to, with all your fears step up to the plate and be willing to have people attack you... Not the character that your playing, not the play, but you... your art. You have to be daring and not afraid to walk that line between sane and insane, life and death (like Sidney Poitier said In Life Beyond Measure)... and as I sit at my desk thinking about all I did to get back to this city to pursue my dreams of acting, I'm still playing it safe... How is this possible? In church today, the minster talked about half ass commitments, and how a lot of times people make half-ass commitments to live their life. I feel like I'm doing that by not really wanting to "go down the rabbit" hole so to speak BUT also not really wanting the midwestern lifestyle that I was raised to value... I feel stuck somewhere between the two very different worlds, and I can't commit to either one yet...
There's no conclusion to this thought yet, but maybe right now there doesn't need to be, it's figuring itself out and I'll go for the ride, and If I'm at a stand still I'll just take in the view...
