Stay Focus on the "Pose" at Hand...

The Story

I took a Bikram Yoga class this past week to kick start my workout plan. I used to do it about a year or so ago and I remember being better at it (maybe I was in better shape then) but either way, this time around it was tough. I was struggling with the poses and had my moments where I just wanted to walk out (which isn't allowed) and I didn't want to sit down because the struggle occurred within the first 10 mins of the class and I felt like if I sat down I would have brought negative energy to the room which I definitely didn't want to do, and more-so I would've felt like a punk. So I remained standing and attempted the poses to the best of my ability with taking moments of "standing" rest breaks where I'm bent over hands on knees trying to gain composure... until the instructor told me it's better to stand straight up and not collapse.

What I know about Bikram is that if I focus on my breath, and the "pose at hand" only and NOTHING else, it's doable. I am able to maintain all the poses and go deeper into the stretches. I am able to push myself to the limit. It feels great, for that time being, to be able to be so in the moment and so focused on what I'm doing without being distracted, not even by that little voice in my head that seems to be related to the energizer bunny.

The Inspired Thought

This idea of being intently focus on the "pose" or I'll say task at hand got me thinking a lot about isolation and blocking out the world to get things done. I've taken my share of Breaks from the world so-to-speak, but normally when I do it's because I'm having some breakdown and need to re-group. I have a friend right now who has for the most part been in isolation so she can focus on her task at hand which is studying for the bar. She has sacrificed her social life for her greater goal. She knew that to get what she wants the amount of focus she needed to bring to the table so she let all of us (her friends) know what was going on and then she got down to business working on her task at hand.

I once heard the saying "it's a lonely road to the top"... Now I don't agree with this saying 100% I have a strong core group of friends and we always say we are getting there together but regardless I get what the saying is trying to get across. I realize the amount of focus you need to accomplish a weekly task is one thing, but when you are trying to accomplish a dream or pursue your passion, or make a worldly change the amount of focus you need to hold is immense. And sometimes you need to isolate yourself, go inward and block out the world to do that.

I believe that life in your 20's is full of all kinds of distractions; some physical, some mental, some tangible and some not. I also know living in a city like New York there is even another layer of distractions added to the list and then your have all the distractions that come along with pursuing a career in the arts. All that to say, there are a lot of "hurdles" that need to be leaped over durning my pursuit and when I'm not paying attention to the task at hand, and my mind is wandering about other things I forget to look where I'm going and Bam! run right into the hurdle. Now sometimes I can get up and brush off and keep it moving, and other times I get hurt and end up and "off the track."

When it Counts...

I shot my first commercial this past Friday. I didn't know what to expect. I was nervous and excited all in the same line. When I got to the set I learned that I was going to be improvising all my lines. And I was the only actor on set at this time, so all eyes on me. So basically I'm sitting on the desk of my sewing studio with about 8 production people dead straight in front of me and then commotion all around fixing props, lights, my hair and make up touches the whole nine and I know any second now we are going to be taping and I have no idea what I'm going to say.... So distractions were at an all time high, I was trying to see what was going on but deep down I knew that I didn't need to know what was going on around me, I needed to know what I what my job was. I had to take some breaths, block everyone and everything around me out. I found a focus spot to look at so I could ground myself and I became focused on the task at hand. I'd be lying if I said I was able to maintain that through out, I had my moments again where I let the voice in my head get some volume to itself and I'd start listening and start to get nervous and second guess myself, but then I'd see my focus spot and calm back down and keep it moving. Overall it was fun and I'm ready for my next one!

The Bigger Picture

I shared with my Dad, and a good friend last week that the more I throw myself into my career, and the more focused I become with it, the less I think about what's lacking in my life. There really isn't enough time to dwell on what I "think" I need or want... All my energies are going into something I believe in therefore I go full speed ahead. This brings me to another point... Believing in yourself and your talent will create a whole new amount of focus in your world of pursuit. Because when you really believe you can and will accomplish what you set out to do then you become fearless... or maybe you still have fear, but it's not a hurdle that takes you off the track, it's the one you continuously jump over.

"And This Too, Shall Pass"

The Reenactment
Casting Director: Hi Mimi

Me: (BIG CHEESE ON MY FACE/ HEART POUNDING) Yes! HI!

Casting Director: I don't have good news for you...

Me:(heart dropped, sunk into the chair)... Aw man, well *sigh* thanks for...

Casting Director: I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!!

Me: I Flew Up out of my seat, out of the restaurant into the streets of New York trying not to scream into the ear of the casting director (which, no I didn't) but my body couldn't help itself it needed to move... So I did a little dance right there in the street. Then I proceed to take a breath and calm down, (which didn't happened) and picked up the cell to dial my #1... MY POPS, because Lord knows he has been my biggest supporter in my pursuits... It was a good day, I was on Cloud 9...

The Story
On of my Favorite quotes is "And this too, shall pass" I use this saying a lot when times are tough, but it really counts for all things. Right now, I am still on the high from booking my first commercial, but there was a part of me that wanted to suppress that joy for fear of being "boastful." However, then I thought about the quote...I know this feeling is going to eventually pass, so why wouldn't I give myself permission to take it all in and allow myself to experience this fully and openly? I love when people share their joys with me, I feel included and often inspired. I think this is a good quote to sit with from time to time regardless of what is going on in your life. I think if you truly grasp the understanding that this moment will pass, people wouldn't take life for granted as much, you would suck up and indulge in the good times more, and during those hard times, there will be an acknowledgment within you that knows "and this too, shall pass." There is these thing (I don't know what quite to call it) verse or passage that ties into what I am trying to express.. I try and read every morning the author is anonymous but it goes like this...

Today is a New Day
I have Given me this Day to use as I will
I could waste it away
or use it for good
What I do today is important
Because when tomorrow comes
This day will be gone forever
and in it's place is something I have left behind
let that be something good.

The start of a new day means one has just passed, and is "gone forever" I know I have been guilty of looking back in my past trying to figure out when I was most happy and when my life was exciting etc... and I would try and figure out how to recreate that now... but those moments have passed. What would have been more beneficial is to embrace each moment like I knew it was going to pass so when it did I would have no regrets letting it go. I lived it out fully.

The Bigger Picture
There are times when I just want everything on my vision board to happen NOW! (yep I'm all about the vision boards) anyways, I just want to jump to that part in my life, I think a lot of people have felt that way. The whole "I just can't wait until this happens or until I have this".... I do it often actually. But then that is taking for granted my life now. If I did have a magic control button where I can jump to where everything has come together, I would have missed feeling this excitement, and this excitement was worth all the struggles I've been through on this journey thus far. I think the picture I am trying to paint, the big picture here is that embrace your present moments fully, whether its the struggle, or hanging with friends in your pj's talking about life, or having time alone to do nothing, or even being "in-love" for a day or weekend lol, whatever you are currently doing... because when those moments are gone, they are gone.

It's a Start... The Standing O is on it's way!

The Story
People say the early bird gets the worm right? Well, I'm trying... I wouldn't necessarily call 7:30am early per say, I know that's the time some people gotta be at work, but It's early for me... So, when I woke up today, the sun was piercing in my room I thought "Oh Shit" I'm late! I proceeded to jump out of bed and make a mad dash for the day. Well, imagine my surprise when I looked at my cell and saw that it was only 7:30am. Huh, how about that. I didn't go back to sleep because my body had naturally woke up, thus meaning... It got sufficient rest and was ready to take on the day yay! I say all this to say... I've been wanting to become an "early" bird for a while now, refer back to Fantasy vs Reality and not saying one day of earlier rising is a mission accomplished, but it's a start...

It is a start...
As I pat myself on the back for what may seem like a rather small accomplishment, I can't help but think how my attitude seems to be changing for the better. There was a point not too long ago where the little moments of success wouldn't seem great or enough. I wouldn't be happy until the BIG PICTURE came together. However, isn't it all the small things that add up to create the big picture? In Acting, there are a lot of small moments of success that I think many of actors dis-regard especially when starting out. Such as, just getting all your ducks in a row to go auditions. Getting that killer monologue, getting great headshots, biz cards etc. Then there are the next successes such as actually going for in for auditions, building a relationship with casting directors and agents. Then on to getting the callbacks, being put on hold, even doing background work. All of these mini accomplishments are not what we got in the biz to do, however... they are starts (steps) to reaching the bigger picture. And maybe they don't deserve a Standing "O", but acknowledgment... a pat on the back to think "yay, I'm doing my thang"...

I still gotta go after the worm
With all that being said, it is the start. There is still the middle and end and they are just as important to acknowledge and celebrate. Especially the middle... but I'm not quite there yet in my pursuit of acting so now is probably not the time to project what I think the middle ground journey is all about... but I am on may way, and I plan to give myself credit where credit is due... even if its for the small things like naturally waking up early.

The Bigger Picture
Ironically, the bigger picture is just a whole bunch of smaller ones that are added up together to create the masterpiece of work called your life. I know there is a saying that goes along the line that its not the end location that matters it's the journey to get there that counts.. .I know I messed that saying all up, I just can't think of how it goes right now, but you get the point. Cherish the small victories in life. If you look at your life on a day by day basis I wouldn't be surprise if you start to pat yourself on the back throughout the day. Sometimes you aren't going to have a crowd around you to cheer you on... so be your own cheerleader, until the Standing Ovation comes.

Going Above and Beyond...

The Story
I sat in class the other day hearing my classmates talk about artist from centuries ago... Creative people who made an impact in the world of art, dance and theatre. (We all were given a person to research and present to the class). Anyways, I sat and listened to these stories in awe. These men and woman were so passionate about their craft, it was their true love... They didn't "want" to be an actor or dancer... they "needed" to. It was their air...

Hearing these stories inspired me to fall in love with my craft so-to-speak.

One of my friends favorite quotes is ""In all things you do, strive to do them so well that no man living, no man dead, and no man yet to be born can do it better."-- Benjamin E. Mays

I feel like these men and women I heard about and read about knew what the word "strive" meant. But, they weren't doing it for fame, or for money but for the love of the art and for themselves. Hearing some of their life tales about their madness to obtain a deep creative understanding of their work was enlightening. They would stay up all hours of the night to go over scripts and ideas. It's quite romantic hearing about their life and love for the arts.

The Inspired Thought
I sat down to write this entry and express how the stories of these peoples past effected me. I was going to talk about passion, love, about the ability to go beyond the acceptable rules of the times, to break the norms against all the odds etc. because these were the images that popped into my head. However, when I sat down to write... I felt inadequately equipped to do so. I wrote a sentence about Passion and immediately questioned did I really understand that word. I've never really looked it up. This triggered even more thoughts...

I admit I take many things for granted (which I'm trying to work on) but language is something I use every day, and I've had no regard for it. I throw words like Passion, and Love and Rage and Strive around so loosely, yet these words carry so much emotion... so many stories. As my classmates would read quotes spoken by their "person" people would actually come to tears because of what was being conveyed, through language.

The Bigger Picture
I keep thinking about my friends favorite quote, and I keep thinking about my pursuit of acting... the training and evolving. I think the key word in the quote is striving. What do you do when you are striving for something beyond greatness? You learn... better put, you seek out information, and you never stop.

My Retirement Plan...

The Story
I once had a friend whose greatest fear in life was becoming stagnant. Stagnant is defined by one of the search engines as 1) a lack of development, advancement, or progressive movement and 2) inactive, sluggish, or dull.

As I sit at work, checking in actors for their networking events, I can't help but think I have, or I am becoming stagnant in this job. Although this company is designed to help actors "advance" and "develop relationships" it has become a place of stagnation for me. When I come to work, I don't come to network, or grow, or advance anymore... I come to work as a desk clerk. At one point in my life, this job "fed me" in terms of my career it was exciting even. When I knew nothing about this business, I was able to learn who was who in this industry. I got to see the very many different ways actors carry themselves. I learned what to do and more so what not to do. I learned how roles are cast and who cast what types of roles. I've met a number of actors that I now call friends, or allies, and even coaches so-to-speak... but now, and for a while at that... I feel as if I have become stagnant. It's not that I don't love the people I work with because I do. It's a great company and great people to work for. I don't know whether I'm taking it for granted, maybe I need an attitude adjustment, or if it that I've just out grown the job. BUT...I do know, I am not a desk clerk. I did not move to New York City to check people in... so something has to give.

The Inspiration
This past Sunday in Church the Minster talked about divine retirement... but in the sense of "re-tiring" your tires. You are putting on new tires for a new chapter... or should I say a new road. Think about how many jobs you have already retired from... I put down my apron about two years ago... I retired my life from the world of restaurants and bars, which I had been doing since my teenage years and have never looked back because I am not a waitress.

Now, by no means do I plan to quit my job (well at least not now, that is)... It might not "feed" my soul or produce mental growth like it used to, but it feeds me literally and keeps my bank account out of the red zone. Plus, I really do love my co-workers. However, sometimes saying things out loud (or writing) can set in motion change, whether within my own thinking and/or approach to my job or by attracting what I want into my life... I am not a desk clerk. I am an actress. Again, I did not move to New York City to sit behind a desk.

The Thought
I was brought up thinking of retirement as a joyous thing when you can stop working, the whole "I want to be retired by 30 or 40"... But, if you love what you do... the thought of putting it down wouldn't seem like such a joyous thing anymore. If a large part of our days are spent working... why would we be doing something we don't want to do, something that doesn't fed our souls? Why would we become stagnant in our careers, or our jobs.

In acting class, will are creating different activities that are to bring us to life. We are exploring what makes us tick in good and bad ways. You know that energy you feel when you are really really really happy or sad or hurt or in rage... we go after those feelings. Often times, our critics are that what we chose to do in our activities did nothing to us or for us... They didn't spark life in us. Thus making a scene dull. And as in Actor, it's not fulfilling in the less, you sit down feeling defeated, like you wasted your moment on stage. I guess in life we should do he same... go after things that create life within ourselves, choose jobs that are fulfilling.

The Bigger Picture
We often hear life is short, but growing up I took in this message with a grain of salt, I didn't fully grasp what it meant. However, it's depth tends to stand out more when you are faced with loss... You start to think about life and what's important, and your happiness and goals etc. I know I have responsibilities. I know that I need money to support myself, but I also understand that I can not predict what tomorrow will bring or even if I am going to be here, my life span is in God's hands, and I believe I would be doing him a dis-service by taking my life for granted and being dull, inactive, and sluggish. I think I better start making my retirement plan for jobs that do not ignite my soul.