It's almost been 1 month exactly since I last posted my "thoughts." Not that I haven't wrote them, because I did. I've wrote a number of blogs since February 21st, however I could never finish the thought... they were missing something.
So instead of putting out half finished products, I gave nothing. I don't know how I feel about that. Is it better to put out nothing if you feel like you haven't fully thought out or better put, tied your thoughts together so they are well rounded? Or do you force yourself to finish what you started and put it out there, even though you feel like if you just wait a day or two (or a month) what you really want to say, but couldn't find the words, will suddenly appear and then you have an "Aaah Ha" moment and start writing and everything comes together perfectly. I guess because I don't get paid to do this I have the luxury of not producing. Hmmm, I don't like that. My lack of producing my blog has sparked two main thoughts...
Are You Holding Yourself to a Higher Standard?
One of my teachers pointed out to the class a couple weeks ago, this is one of the most unforgiven industries there is. It doesn't matter what's going on in your personal life, you are expected to show up prepared to work and work well. If you can't do that because of a family passing or an illness or a whatever life dramas come your way, you will be fired and replaced... the show must go on. So in my head, I think...
"Of course I will/ and can pull it together if I'm in a Broadway Show, or doing a production where I actually get "paid" to work or when the stakes are really high like auditioning for a piece that would get me ahead in the industry even if it didn't pay. I would definitely bring my "A" Game regardless of what's going on in my life. But if a "crisis" is going on in my life and I just have a class (that I paid for), then it's okay and acceptable to miss or slack off a bit."
...But this mentality is not holding my art to a higher standard. I am doing myself in injustice and disrespecting my talents when I come to do "okay" work, or even aim to do "good" work. Holding my art to a higher standard, means respecting it enough to work diligently on my craft not because I get paid to do it, not because I want to impress the teacher or be "good" or "perfect" but to fully express myself and use my God given talent to it's maximum ability, each and ever time. Even though writing my blog isn't acting, it's still an artistic outlet that I want to and have committed to do, which I have fallen short of doing this past month. I didn't hold my art as a writer to a higher standard. I made the excuse that It's because I didn't want to put thoughts that were not well rounded out there. Which is true, I didn't want to put anything that didn't have weight to it, or make sense. I think to a degree this is admirably with a strong hint of Bullshit (Ha, I had to laugh at myself on that one). If I held my writing to a higher standard, I would have finished the thoughts (no excuses). Even if that meant staying up until the crack of dawn to do so. It wouldn't have been so easy to walk away from and say "I'll finish that Tomorrow."
...But this mentality is not holding my art to a higher standard. I am doing myself in injustice and disrespecting my talents when I come to do "okay" work, or even aim to do "good" work. Holding my art to a higher standard, means respecting it enough to work diligently on my craft not because I get paid to do it, not because I want to impress the teacher or be "good" or "perfect" but to fully express myself and use my God given talent to it's maximum ability, each and ever time. Even though writing my blog isn't acting, it's still an artistic outlet that I want to and have committed to do, which I have fallen short of doing this past month. I didn't hold my art as a writer to a higher standard. I made the excuse that It's because I didn't want to put thoughts that were not well rounded out there. Which is true, I didn't want to put anything that didn't have weight to it, or make sense. I think to a degree this is admirably with a strong hint of Bullshit (Ha, I had to laugh at myself on that one). If I held my writing to a higher standard, I would have finished the thoughts (no excuses). Even if that meant staying up until the crack of dawn to do so. It wouldn't have been so easy to walk away from and say "I'll finish that Tomorrow."
The Half Finished Thoughts
The other thought that was trigger by my lack of blogging is how often times in life we do put out half finished thoughts. We speak (or write) before thinking, as the saying goes. When I'm having a "blond" moment that leads to a mishap, what have you, I will tend to say "damn, if I only would've thought that out for two more seconds, I could have skipped over this dumb shit I'm in now." Can I pay for hindsight? Anyways, I know I am guilty of putting not so well rounded thoughts out there based on other information that was probably not so well thought out. So all this has got me thinking how often people form opinions, actions etc. based on half thought out thoughts. Hmmm? Why does the news and politics come to mind... (okay let my brain stop wandering)
In acting, we get a scene and part of our job is to dissect it, know and understand everything. We have to craft why we do and say what is in the script. If we don't bring all those layers together and know exactly what each line means, what we are doing and saying, then how can we really bring the voice of the playwright to life? This transfers to life in general. We all were given a voice, if we don't know why we say what we say, or if we are spitting out in the world half developed thoughts, then how can do we bring strength to our voice?
The Bigger Picture
I was thinking about why we stop ourselves from doing something, whether it be a artistic or not. Why we start a project but do not finish it. (Of course, sometimes its just laziness) but other times, I think it's because we do not fully allow ourselves to believe in our talents. Believe that our voice is worthy to be heard. Believe that we can accomplish what we want to, dream to, aspire to do. We do not hold our Voice to a higher standard, therefore we speak thoughts that are lacking purpose. We do not hold our dreams to a higher standard, therefore we give ourselves the "luxury" of not working toward them. We let ourselves off the hook because we do not take ourselves serious. We don't finish the thought so to speak and we give nothing.
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