I'mma put those on the Shelf for now...

The Story
The last few weeks have been jam packed. I haven't had time to sit down and process what I've learned and what I'm feeling about life and my progress with my acting career, school and what not. There are definitely good qualities about just going with the flow and not questioning life and just taking it as it comes, it feels like a fairy tale or a dream state where you are just along for the ride but then when life slows down a little and you have a chance to catch your breath, you start to hear the never ending critic voice "what's next"... "what am I doing"... "what should I be doing"... "How could I have made the last 3 weeks more productive"... "Should I have done that" hmmmm. I have mixed views about this questioning portion of my mental state. I know this mode of thinking can be destructive but in the same line answering those questions can often lead to progression in your journey...

I was able to catch my breath for a second long enough to know that during my small pockets of
"free time" I didn't want to do anything on my "responsible adult lists" I wanted to stay in a world where my only responsibilities were to go to 1) work, 2) bring my "A" game to class, and 3) spend time with a new Love... so I put my hefty list of things to do, goals to accomplish and acting follow up game, on hold for now...

The Thought
As I sit and write about putting my "lists" on hold to focus on classes, work and a man... a part of me cringes at the thought that I can't do it all? Why can't I manage to do all the things on my lists, and work 30+ hours and go to school for 16+hrs per week not including rehearsal times, and spend the quality time that is needed (and wanted) that it takes to get to know someone new. Mentally I can map it out on a piece of paper how to fit everything in, but in reality, my energy levels do not seem to be able to handle all of it right now. So I picked what I wanted to focus on... To say my choices are the right choices is letting myself off the hook a little, because a part of me knows that neglecting the biz side (the networking/follow through) is not the right choice career wise... this industry is about 80% of that. But for me, stressing over the 80% biz part plus dealing with my "must do's" of work and school was not worth my sanity... the way I look at it, I'm still working on my craft so It's not like I am putting my whole career on hold, I'm just focusing on the artistic side only right now.

The Bigger Picture
The point is, when life starts to get too crowded, where your days are greeted with the stress of all the things you want to do and/or need to do etc, there comes a point when you have to prioritize what you will allow yourself to focus on right now in the present and put the other things on the shelves. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to put things on hold for fear of not picking them up off the shelf. It can also be hard to figure out what you will choose to shelve and what you will choose to deal with especially when you want to do it all and do it all, right now. I know my schedule will open up at the end of May, so I will be able to pick up a lot of things that I needed to shelf for my own sanity. That's why I put them on a "low" visible shelf (lol), I can still see them and they are easy to reach off. But for now they can stay there, so I can juggle my schedule more freely and enjoy it while I'm living it...