Let's Go... Let's Go... LET's GO ALREADY!!!!!

The Diagnoses
I have patience issues... and that would be in all areas of my life. I laugh as I write it, but I'm realizing this is starting to become a big problem... in life and my acting. I am attempting to rush my life!

The Story
I used to have to be the last of my friends to get dressed to go out because if I was ready first all you'd hear would be "Let's go Lets go Lets go"... (My friends had to have a talk with me to settle down). I want so much, and I want it all NOW. I want all my talent NOW, I want my prime-time television contract NOW, I want my national commercial NOW, I want my Husband NOW.. .Seriously I'm trying (and failing miserably at it, might I add) to rush everything, like in class with my emotional preparation. You are suppose to walk in at 100% emotionally full of life based off of an imaginary circumstance... I was at about 68% RUSHED! I did this with the last man I was interested in... "Oh great first date, yep he's the one" (okay it wasn't that bad, but I was definitely trying to rush that into a "love story" yep failed) I even tried to rush this blog... Embarrassing but true, during my two hour break between class and work I went to the "office" for lunch, class review and blogging... but nothing was coming to me. NOTHING! 2 hours of writing and erasing over and over because I wanted to write something profound and deep and bullshit kept popping into my head because I was pushing myself to do so. It wasn't until I gave up, left the coffee shop and headed to work did I have this realization that I'm rushing my life.

The Side Effects
Taking life for granted. Life is built up, from moment to moment. In class we are training our bodies to be more sensitive and be able to read the subtext of moments and live truthfully through them. Well, unfortunately as it is becoming very clear to me... instead of experiencing my life as it comes to me, and enjoying the process of life in general, I'm trying to rush these moments. SMH

The Treatment
I went to church yesterday and the service talked about letting go of control and putting your faith in God, trusting he knows what's best and will get you where you need/want to be, and to entertain the thought that he(God) knows ways to get you there that you may have never even thought of... Hmmm, Well I can totally get that, so of course I left the service that day feeling an all time high thinking "great, I'm good... the Big Man's got me... Life is good!" and yet 24 hours later I'm trying to control and push and rush results!?!! What the ....?

Well, like any addiction, they say the first step is admitting the problem... "I am impatient and I'm trying to rush my life, thus taking it for granted".... Seeing that I've never actually gone through a 12 step program, I don't know what the official next step is... but I think it starts with putting the Big Man (God) first and having faith in him... well this is going to be my step at least...