The Story
My schedule today was suppose to be 9am view an Apartment, Noon -4pm classes (voice/speech and movement) and 4:30pm to 10:30pm work. Well I skipped classes (not good at all) and headed to the coffee shop to check out another apartment and set up appointments for tomorrow and then took care of some of my medical nuances. Although my time was used toward things that needed to be taken care of... I chose to sacrifice certain things, this time it was my training.. my career steps took a blow today.
For whatever reason, falling back into "life" from my very long carefree vacation has been difficult. It's like one day I'm here and the next day my mind can't stop thinking where my Happily ever life is? Where my husband is? Where is my national commercial? Where my primetime series contract is? Where's my LIGHT!? SHIT!!! lol, sorry... I'm getting beside myself. When I get worked up like this it tends to last for a few days and then it'll pass and everything settles... but once again, my problem is my brain mentally knows what I should be doing, yet I don't do it, whether it be because I'm tired, or I have no will power... or I'm having a "bad" day... whatever... but I feel like my brain is having an argument with myself screaming "MIMI PULL IT TOGETHER" and the other voice is saying "calm down, take a break you need it, stop beating yourself up" now maybe both are right, but regardless, I'm not enrolled in a program where you can just miss days because your head is just somewhere else.... hell I'm not in an industry where I can have "off days" for that matter. What am I doing? ...
I want "it all" so-to-speak. I want my career, I want my family, my husband... the list is long. I want a lot of things... and I'm trying to juggle a lot of things... and I'm just not where I want to be yet...
The Bigger Picture
I think the Bigger Picture here is handling pressure, change, stress etc. An actors life can be all over the place literally. How do I expect to be able to handle my life when my career has taken off, and I need to be over sea for 3months or a show moves to LA. How do I plan to be able to memorize lines for 3 different projects I'm working on, as well as prepare materiel for upcoming auditions, still network with casting directors and producers and industry people all the while maintaining a healthy balance life outside of acting, being there for my friends, maintaining strong relationships, staying connected with family... Deep Breath, I think I should treat these moments as practice for when life really gets out of control... I haven't been doing a good job of juggling... I've been being a bit dramatic about the whole thing... I think I need to listen to both voices, Calm down and Pull it together, pick up those damn balls you dropped and start juggling.
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