No Whammies, No Whammies.... Damn Double Whammies

The Story

The last two weeks I had a lot of "potential" jobs... I had 4 print go-see's (high paying might I add) and 1 automatic hold without even having to attend the go-see because the photographer remembered auditioning a friend and I over a year ago for a Microsoft and wanted us on hold. (Being on hold, again means they are interested in you and it's pretty much between you and another)... Then I had a commercial audition yesterday, which I left feeling pretty damn good about... and had confirmation from the casting director that I did really well, so if I didn't get it... then it's because they want a different type... Sooo all that to say A lot of "potential" was in the air.

Well today was a Double Whammy... back to back, I was released from the hold for the commercial that shoots tomorrow, and then two hours later I was released from the print gig. (Released means that you weren't the one they chose) UGH! I allowed myself to throw about a 10 minute pity party and move on with life. (Why can't it be that easy to do with boys? LOL) anyways....

The Thought

As I was sharing my rejection pains with a fellow actor, I had the slight thought... how many times could I get rejected without booking anything before I "snapped." I think people who want to get into this biz have to be able to hear no, and be rejected over and over and over again and understand that you might never hear yes, but be okay with the pursuit of the dream... and still not start to doubt themselves or their talent.

Now, I've heard "yes" before... and I hear "maybe" often (being put on hold)... but I have heard "no" the most yet still I pound the pavement. After the gloom goes away, the hungry pains increase, but I'm careful not to turn into a "broken actor", who Casting Directors and Agents can smell the desperation oozing out the moment they walk in. Those who have let the rejection get to them and they are out for blood so-to-speak. They no longer seem human, they come across as drug fiends. I see many in my line of work at the networking company. It's in there eyes and their behavior... it's as if the world is weighing down on their chest and "this" meeting with "this" Casting Director (as known as another HUMAN BEING) is the only one who can save them...

I can actually see how this comes about... I believe it's the taste of success that causes this addicting fiend like behavior. You start to crave it, need it. It's gratifying, it gives you a sense of being invincible at times, hell it makes you feel good, makes you feel worthy. Now, the stronger I become in my faith I'm starting to understand that with or without success, I am worthy... I am enough. However, in this industry, sometimes the biz plays tricks on your foundation and fucks with your head. It makes you think "you are only as good as your last job."

The Bigger Picture

Today, I was feeling rejected and like I wasn't enough, I was about to start the downward spiral of second guessing myself, and try and figure out WHY THEY DIDN'T PICK MEEEEEEEEE!!! (LOL) but I can't allow myself to go down that road... it leads to no where. This got me thinking how in life we often ask the ridiculous question "Why"... yes there are times it serves it's purpose, more often in my life... it proves to be irrelevant. This also got me thinking about how success can be a driving force of proving our own self worth either to ourselves or others. I once heard the saying don't let others tell you who you are. I think that can even go deeper, the net of it is, not letting the outside world be your validation of worth. Rejections will come, success can come and go... you might be praying for the jackpot but hit the whammy, that's just the way this cookie crumbles, but no matter what, you are worthy... you are enough, and don't let anything or anyone take that away from you.